Night Off of Parenting

H and I have a meeting in Dallas Saturday morning. Because of this meeting, we get a free hotel stay and nearly a free trip. In order to thoroughly enjoy this trip, we are farming the kids out. My parents are taking one of the kids, the in-laws are taking 2 and my sister is taking 2. By noon on Friday, we will be kid free! We, of course, will be collecting all the kids by Saturday evening so our freedom will be short lived. We had decided to go out to eat (somewhere nice) and go see a movie. Our hotel happens to be near the Majestic theater and I just happened to check out the even schedule there. Guess what's showing Friday night??? Tap Dogs! I have seen only clips from their performances, but they are an awesome tap group. H and I started looking and found a couple of affordable seats. So...instead of going to eat out and to a movie, we are going to Tap Dogs. Being budget conscious, we will not be eating out at a nice restaurant, but will instead be eating fast food. The trade off is worth it though. I am looking forward to the night out and seeing a real performance in person for a change.

With 5 young kids, finding a good, affordable babysitter is very difficult. As a result, our last night out was in May for our anniversary. That's 6 months without a date! As I said, we're farming the kids out to 3 different family members so that we can enjoy a night off. Having a night off is very important for any parent. Even if it is only occasionally. Ideally, (and we used to do this) a parent should have one night out every month, but I'm very grateful for my night off. So take a night off every now and then and go do something that is a real treat for you.

Interruptions

Children are notorious for interrupting things. They interrupt conversations, movies, phone calls, games, even bathroom breaks. My children are obviously no exception to this rule. They interrupt everything I try to do. Last night, about 8:00, H and I started watching a movie. The movie was only 1 1/2 hours. It took us until 10:30 to finish watching it. We didn't even start watching until after the kids should have been in bed. They ran into each others' rooms, they dumped water on each other, they fought, they were hungry, they were thirsty, they wanted..... We don't allow those things and yet, they still tried constantly. This evening, the kids were playing outside. I decided to listen to a Bible lesson online. It is 55 minutes long. After 1 hour, I'm still waiting to hear the second half. My kids kept coming in with scratches and questions and complaints and...... The last time they came in required me to go outside so I paused the lesson. I returned a few minutes later and resumed play. It reset to the beginning! Now I can't even fast forward the lesson so I am replaying it. Waiting for the 36 min. mark when I can begin listening again. I'm hoping (though probably in vain) that the kids will leave me alone to complete it. As I type, I am trying to interrupt their playtime. They are sitting, kind of, on a mat waiting for me. I told them to sit and wait for me. They don't know this is all part of my great plan to interrupt them. It's 7:00 now and time for some of them to go to bed. I have 15 min. until I can listen again so I'm going to try to get them in bed before that time. Wish me luck.

Special Needs Children

Special Needs is a category used to label children with any number of medical, physical, emotional or other problems. The child's special needs are more than just therapy or medicine though. They are a lifetime of every situation, location, vacation, daily life. Everything can be a special need for this child. I have three children who technically fit this category. G1 and G2 are the most severe. G1 is a constant job. She is adorable and sweet and loving. She is also living in her own world for much of the time. This afternoon, we went to the grocery store. She didn't want to go. She was hungry. As we walked up and down the aisles, she became more and more difficult. She would hide around the next aisle. She would drop down in the middle of the aisle and scream. She would pull away from us when we tried to hold her hand. Things got worse as we neared the checkout. She ran from us several times and B2 had to drag her back. When we finally made it to the checkout, she wouldn't stop touching the candy and items on the aisle. I told her to stop and that was the last straw for her. She took off running, squeezing past two people in front of us and ran to the front door. Now this was at Walmart, not exactly the best place to have a runaway child. I sent the boys after her because I couldn't fit as easily. I turned around and told H she was heading out the door and took off too. I caught up with the children at the door. B2 was dragging her back towards me. H decided he would check out without me so I took 3 of the kids out to the car. I didn't let go of her hand the whole way. She screamed and pulled. I practically drug her to the car. After buckling her in, we had a talk and some hugs.

It's scary raising a special needs child. In this case, her medicine had worn off and she had no control of herself. It would be nice to say this is a one time event, but it's not. We experience this kind of thing often. The other people around us were staring at us as if we had no control over our kids. Others don't understand what it's like to have these problems day in and day out. No one bothered to stop this little 5 year old girl who nearly ran into a busy parking lot. All they did was stare and accuse us with their looks. This is the kind of thing many parents of special needs kids go through on a daily basis. So the next time you see an out of control child at the store. Or see one running towards a busy parking lot. Offer to help out. Or at least understand that the parent might just be doing everything they can. Raising a special needs child is a lifetime event. The parent may never be finished raising the child. The child may never grow out of these behaviors. Special needs encompasses every aspect of the child's life and the lives of those around them. So show your support the next time you see one. The parents will appreciate it.

G3

Okay. My third daughter and 5th child is, well, she's her own person. This evening, while I was preparing supper, I glanced out the window. Guess what I saw? My little 4 year old girl was on the roof of our shed! I didn't panic. I calmly walked outside and helped her off the roof. She had climbed up a metal trellis on a smaller shed and climbed onto the big shed from the roof of the first one. I brought her inside and continued fixing supper. A few minutes later, supper was ready. H went to find G3 because she wasn't coming to the table. I heard him exclaim, "Oh No!". So I went to check things out. B1, who definitely knows better, had left a pair of scissors within her reach. She had proceeded to cut her hair, AGAIN! There is a huge chunk missing from the side of her head. Luckily she left enough to mostly cover her head there. She also removed a portion of her bangs forcing me to cut the rest. This is not the first time she has cut her hair. It isn't the second or even the third. That is why I lock up all scissors in my house. I installed a lock on a drawer just for her. This drawer contains the markers, glue and scissors. The pair at fault this time is kept safely put away in my room. This is the pair that B1 borrowed earlier and failed to put up. So once again, I have the pleasure of a lovely haircut on my beautiful little girl. Who knows what we will discover next.

Bad Mood

I am in a bad mood today. I have no real reason for this, just a few minor problems. They have caused me to take everything hard today. OK, caused is probably too strong a word. Nothing can cause me to be in a bad mood, but some things help. So what am I reacting too? My kids. They have also not been having a good day. I don't know if their bad day is because of me or completely separate. They are not doing as they should though. My girls dumped out a large bag of crayons. These are now scattered all over my house. Not only that, but several walls are a new color. There are wavy lines and squiggles drawn on several walls. I know, I should have my kids clean this off. Unfortunately, they lack the skills to remove the crayon. They can't rub hard enough, or just don't understand how hard they need to, to remove it.

There are also dirty pull-ups all over my house. Three of my kids still sleep in them. They don't want to throw them away so they don't. Sometimes I find them inside their pajamas. Sometimes I find them hidden behind other objects. The current favorite hiding is behind the toilet or in the bathtub. They have also been known to put them in other people's clothing drawers and under beds. It would take less time to just throw them away, but then I might think they should do that every day. So, they sit in their hiding places until I find them.

Then there are the dirty clothes. These seem to be everywhere. My kids are young, but they know that when you take off your clothes, they belong in the laundry room. There are clothes mixed in with the toys, under the beds, in the bathroom and even in my room. G3 thinks it's appropriate to change out of her pajamas in my room and then leave the pajamas wherever they landed.

All of this has gone on for some time. I can't seem to convince my children that picking up their stuff is in their best interests. I guess I'll have to keep trying until I succeed. In the meantime, my bad mood persists. I'm going to work on that. Maybe I can pull myself out of it and then maybe I can pull the kids out of theirs.

Sick Days

When our kids get sick, we take care of them. We keep them at home, bring them things, let them rest and watch TV all day. When our husbands get sick, we let them rest, we bring them things and take care of them. What happens when we get sick. We don't rest, no one brings us things and we don't take care of ourselves. We trudge on knowing that the work won't get done without us. If we take a break, the house will fall apart. The kids won't get fed and the laundry will pile up. We don't have time to lay around and rest. So we don't. We keep going even when our bodies are screaming at us. That's where I am today. I'm sick. I have a cold. My head is stuffy, nose is running, too much sinus pressure and I need a nap. I need to rest. I need a break. But, I know that things need to be done. I have laundry to do and children to guide. I need to figure out supper and write lesson plans. Some of this I've done today. I have directed my children in some of the chores. I have cleaned the bird cage (my pets) and cleaned a small portion of my room. I still need to plan supper and clean my kitchen. I still need to plan my lessons for this week. I still need to do a lot of things. Meanwhile my body still screams at me to rest. I know it won't get better as quickly if I keep pushing it, but I know I can't stop doing my job either. Moms don't get sick days, no matter how badly we need them. Most of the time, we don't even admit to our families that we are sick. They would have to rearrange their schedules to help us and we don't want them to have to do that. H left to run an errand and do some work at his office. B1 and B2 are entertaining themselves and doing some work. The three girls are trying really hard not to take naps and I'm typing on my blog. I think, just maybe, if the girls go to sleep and the boys continue to entertain themselves, I may even take a nap. It will be a short one, but for once I want my sick day too.

Kids and Chores

It seems, at least to me, to always be a fight to get my kids to do their chores. They complain and whine every day. When everyone is doing their part, the chores only take about 30 min. Unfortunately, my kids can make the chores last all day. They use phrases like, "That's not fair!" and "It'll take too long!". Why do kids complain about their chores. I think there are two main reasons. The first is simply that they don't want to do work. It's more fun to play. The second is that they want to test us as parents. If they complain enough, maybe I won't make them do the work. This doesn't work at my house. Everyone is responsible for doing their own chores. They have to do the work no matter how much they complain. This has always been the case at my house so why do they keep whining? Because I argue with them. I am guilty of letting them complain and actually answering them. I will explain why, tell them it has to be done, and otherwise keep the conversation going. I am working on stopping this. I am giving myself more work by allowing this conversation to continue. My answer when they complain should be, "Go clean ____." I need to repeat that phrase ad nauseum. Until my kids get so tired of hearing the phrase they stop. Or I need to say that phrase once and then say nothing to them. I'm not sure which of these techniques will work best so I will start with one and if after a time, it isn't working, I'll switch techniques. One thing I know for sure is that the kids will learn to stop the complaining and start working.

Money or a lack thereof

This was a hard month financially. We had to buy all new tires at the beginning of the month and just replaced the alternator today. That was two major vehicle expenses not in the budget. I had to nearly wipe out my savings. A year ago, I would have had to charge the tires and the alternator. I didn't have a savings then. A year ago, I would have been upset knowing I didn't have the money for it. Thanks to Dave Ramsey and the financial peace university, I had a savings and no credit cards. There was only one way for me to pay for it so I did. My savings is nearly gone, but I have no debt from the repairs. What a better way to teach my kids than by example. They saw us not be worried. They saw us pull the money from savings and then pay for the repair up front. I'm not saying I'm not at all bothered by it. I am. It's a lot of money. I am just glad the money was there. Of course now I have to build my savings back up. It will take a few months so I pray nothing happens in the mean time. If you struggle at all with debt or financial problems, or if you simply want to obtain financial independence, I strongly recommend the Financial Peace University from Dave Ramsey. It is simple, but it works. Find it at www.daveramsey.com. Now that I have made my commercial pitch for a product I have used, but don't sell, I'll get back to the issue at hand. Regardless of the method you use, please, please, please teach your children about money. Don't make them learn the hard way. It really makes a difference in their lives and in yours.

Fatigue

One of my common phrases to use is that I wake up tired and go to bed exhausted. It's a common problem of motherhood. There just don't seem to be enough hours in the day to get everything done that we need to do. I did manage to get 8 hours of sleep last night. Unfortunately, that hasn't been the norm so I am still tired today. I am going to try to get 8 hours every night (or at least as many nights as I can). Over time, I should be able to wake up a little less tired. So how do we as mothers get enough sleep? We don't do everything! It's not possible to stay home, clean the house, school the children, cook all the meals, do all the laundry, play with the kids, exercise, and do everything else I need to do in my day. So don't do everything. Last night, I went to bed without wiping down all my countertops. Amazingly, they were still there this morning. We all made it through the morning just fine. I still haven't done that job, but I will as soon as I'm through with this post. I promise I will not have everything done when I go to bed tonight. I probably won't get the floors vacuumed and there will probably still be some dirty laundry, and that's okay. I will do the important things each day such as feeding my family, schooling my kids and taking care of their needs (not all their wants), and any other necessary things. As long as the same job doesn't get left undone every day, things should work out over time. It's okay if our houses aren't perfect all the time. We live in them and it's just not going to happen. Accept that and do what you can each day. Then take care of yourself by getting enough exercise and sleep each day. Maybe we can cut back on the amount of fatigue we all experience as mothers.

Play With Your Kids

I am not good at playing with my kids regularly, but they definitely need it. I am always trying to get things done, or just relax, while they play. The problem is, kids need us to play with them. My kids will pester me constantly to play with them. If I will sit down with them for just 30 min. and play what they want, it makes things go much smoother. I waste a lot of time telling my kids, "not now" when I could just say yes and play for half an hour. That's not really much time. How much work am I honestly going to get done in 30 min.? How much joy can I bring to my kids in 30 min.? There's no comparison. So, I'm off to go play with my kids right now. You should too.